Hi Achokis. I am pregnant and confused. My boyfriend says that he is not ready for the baby and being a dad. I am left at a loss. He has asked me to abort, or else he will quit the relationship, but I don’t feel like terminating the pregnancy. I also don’t know how I will break the news to my parents. I am 33 years old and have a good job, but still live with my parents.
-Hilda
Hi Hilda. It must be hard for you to be in a relationship where you are forced to make such a difficult decision. You have to now choose between keeping your child or your relationship. You find yourself between a rock and a hard place.
The baby you are carrying deserves to live. That child has no fault. Don’t let yourself be blackmailed to make a decision that will leave you scarred forever. You have yourself to live with. If this guy really loves you, he should be supportive. He should be concerned about your well-being. Were you planning to settle down together in marriage? Give him time, maybe he’s also still traumatised by the idea of being a father. Propose therapy for both of you before making any decision.
Journey alone
If he’s not cooperative and still insists on the abortion, then you might have to walk this journey alone. For a fact, being a single mum is not going to be a smooth journey. Carrying the pregnancy and shouldering the maternity cost alone is not easy. You have to also bite the bullet and raise your child alone. This might come with a lot of shame from society. It is unfortunate that a woman is judged while the man goes free. Look inwardly and don’t let society define you. Look up. There is a second chance for you. All is not over with your life, even though it feels that way now.
The other mountain to surmount is your parents. As you mentioned, you still live with them, so technically you are still under their care. It will be hard to break the news to them, but one way or another you will have to do so. You can imagine if something happened to you along the way and they find out that you were expecting. It has happened, so let them know. If you are too fearful, then let your older sibling or an aunt that you are close and get along with inform them. Start with your mum.
Be prepared
Be ready for an initial backlash, this is because they will obviously be disappointed. They are human. Every parent’s dream is for their daughter to leave home and start family with her husband. They have their dreams of how things should go, but in reality, sometimes things don’t go as planned. They may eventually turn around and become your support system. If they don’t, thank God you have a good job so you can move out and take care of yourself.
The writers are marriage and relationship coaches
