Thank you Jane for reaching out for help. We feel you and understand your predicament. Trying to pull out now with only a few months to the wedding will not be easy. The stakes are too high, the train has already left the station, but that doesn’t mean that you have to go on with the plans if you are not comfortable in the relationship.
You rushed the process
To begin with, we feel that you may have rushed the process. Three months into knowing each other, especially if you didn’t know each other at all before starting to date is such a short time.You need at least six months of face-to-face dating before you can even think of whether to marry someone or not. Moving in together, six months after knowing each other was also rather too soon. This forced the relationship to move on to the next stage we call the reality stage.
You need to decide
Being together in the same space and with the pressure of a coming event may have rocked the boat. Which in a way was a blessing in disguise because you now got to know each other for who you really are. This is what is making you now question the relationship. There is nothing wrong with arguing a bit, but if the frequency and fervency of the arguments are too much, then that’s a red-flag. It may be that you just need to learn some relational and conflict resolution skills or that there are some underlying issues that you both need to be aware of.
In order to ascertain this, you will definitely need professional help. Convincing your fiance to go for this with a looming wedding and with finances being tight may be hard. But you will have to be firm on this. You will need to put your plans on hold as you go through this process. Once you are through the process, if you feel that you are comfortable moving on with your plans, then go ahead. If on the other hand your fears are confirmed, then you may need to call off the wedding no matter how high the stakes are.
The writers are marriage and relationship coaches
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