They say that what fuel is to a car or blood to a human being is what communication is to a relationship. No matter what we find to be the cause of marital breakdown, be it in-laws, finances, sex, or conflict, the root of all these things is communication breakdown.
Communication is not easy. According to Pastor Tom Holladay in his book, The Relationship Principles of Jesus “We live in a nation where 50 per cent of wives say husbands don’t communicate, 86 per cent of those divorced say the cause was deficient communication, and 25 per cent of young people indicate they have never had one meaningful communication with their fathers. We need help!”
For the two to remain one and enjoy a deep level of intimacy, openness, honesty and communication are paramount. It is not just enough to communicate at a superficial level of exchanging information and niceties. In marriage, our communication must go deeper into the emotional level where we open ourselves to each other and allow the other into our hearts.
For this to happen, we must feel safe enough to open our hearts to each other. Trust is, therefore, vital. Trust is the foundation of all meaningful conversations whether we are working at establishing a relationship or rebuilding channels of communication. According to Pastor Tom Holladay, you cannot have high quality communication without high-level trust. Trust is built by what you say and what you do. When you say what you mean and mean what you say, you are building trust.
When you are trustworthy, then the other person feels safe with you and can entrust you with the most important thing in their life – their heart and what is inside their heart. You don’t just entrust your hard earned savings and investments to anybody. You entrust them to people and institutions you can trust. And that is the same thing you do with your heart issues.
Husbands want to feel safe enough to trust their spouse not to use what they have openly shared with them against them. Wives on the other hand want to know that their husbands trust them enough to open their hearts and share with them what is in their heart. And when they do that, the two will become one.
