Betty Muindi @BettyMuindi
You know those people you call your “friends”? Yeah, they may not actually deserve that label. Because chances are, a good chunk of them do not consider you their friend.
A recent study published in the scientific journal PLOS ONE analysed surveys from 600 students in Israel, Europe, and the US to determine how many of their relationships were mutual. And the findings of the study were appalling.
As it turns out, approximately half of your friends consider you a friend. That’s right: If you believe you have about 30 friends, you probably only have 15. Bridget Asara knows too well what this study is about. Her tale is that of betrayal by people she thought would have her back no matter what.
Each friend for a purpose
She learnt the hard way that the friends she considered her best friends were actually her foes. Bridget had been dating her boyfriend for several months when they began having problems.
Her best friend encouraged her to leave him. “But in just a few weeks, everything that everyone warns you about came true; my ex-boyfriend hooked up with my best friend and I was crushed,” Bridget vividly remembers.
Today she treats her friend with a pinch of salt, “I don’t open my heart to just anyone. Whether it be in friendships or romantic relationships, I choose to keep my feelings and thoughts to myself for fear of getting hurt,” she confesses.
Lindsay Lugonzo, 22 agrees. She is aware that not all her friends like her, and neither does she perceive all her friends the same way. She says there’s so much more to categorising someone as a true friend.
“Friendships are tricky and not all are the same. I have two friends that I consider genuine and the rest by what makes them unique. I have each friend for different purposes,” she explains.
She will hang out with some friends when she needs advise, friends who are bold enough to tell her she is wrong. Then there is the ultimate squad that inspires her and pushes me to be stronger. And then there are those that she will enjoy their company when we go shopping.
“You know those friends that are the life of the party? Friends who are full of energy and you have great moments when in their company.
With these friends, there are no worries because they just want to be cheerful. They know how to be in the moment and remind you that ‘You only live once,” she exclaims.
Lastly, Lindsay says she has all-around friends. They are the closest of them all because they embody every one of the friend labels listed above plus some.
“They are the one who you can be around all day and be bored with them and not have a problem with it. They are your genuine, authentic, and real friends,” she reveals.
Unusual friends
Gilbert Marango, a sociologist says human beings are bad at judging who their friends are. “If you think someone is your friend, you expect him to feel the same way. But in fact, that’s not the case. I agree with the findings of that study,” he explains.
It gets worse. One-sided friendships are, as you would expect, not as valuable as mutual ones. The study found that friends in one-sided relationships don’t have as much influence over one other. One experiment, for example, found that only reciprocal friendships helped motivate people to exercise.
Who are your real friends, then? It turns out, there are a few easy ways to tell. The study found that the number of mutual friends you have and the similarity of your social statuses could determine whether you’re actually friends or not.
For example, that person who hangs out with you and all your other friends at the same gigs or bars every Friday night is probably your friend. However, the person who invites you for a get together once in a while probably is not your friend.
