Slaying insecurity dragon in relationships

By , K24 Digital
On Tue, 2 Apr, 2024 06:00 | 2 mins read
Unhappy couple sitting on the bed. PHOTO/Pexels

One of the major causes of fights and unrest in relationships is insecurity. It’s always manifested by a strong and an unusual sense of jealousy and possessiveness.

Jealousy comes because of the feeling of inadequacy and a strong sense of unhealthy competition that gives birth to a dangerous drive to excel. Wanting to excel is a good thing when governed by ethical and integral parameters, not forgetting moral and spiritual boundaries.


Those who feel that others could be better than them hence they work so hard to emerge the best are ill motivated. You ought to be the best in what you do for purposes of solving the problems that affect humanity, unless you’re in a competitive career such as athletics or sports. In family matters, a spouse can have a justified sense of jealousy when she feels that her boundaries are being infringed upon.

A woman that tends to be too close to a married man could be overstepping her bounds. This can bring an acceptable sense of jealousy in a wife. This kind of jealousy is beneficial in safeguarding intimate relationships.


There is, however, an intense and irrational form of jealousy that stifles relationships. It’s the type that is suspiciously speculative and unreasonably hawk eyed.

The person influenced by this type of jealously is ever inquiring about their spouse’s whereabouts, not because they care, but to help confirm their fears. They are ever worried about someone else snatching their spouse.

This is what we call insecurity in marriage. There are other forms of insecurity as well. Some are insecure about their jobs or even physical appearance. Insecurity is a demon that paralyses its victim. The paralysed victim in turn paralyses their partner or spouse.


One of the best ways of dealing with insecurity is to first admit that it exists. Many people, especially men deny that they are insecure. This makes it impossible to get them out of this menacing emotion.

One must self evaluate and then get into self improving activities. Talking about what makes one insecure can bring a sense of assurance and affirmation if the discussion isn’t characterised by defensiveness and counter accusations.

A woman who feels justifiably insecure or jealous should express her honest feelings to her husband. The husband on the other hand must listen empathetically and with assurance of a secure future.


Open communication and transparency are the best tools beneficial in dealing with insecurity in marriage.


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