Hi, I have a well-paying job and my husband, on the other hand, is not doing well financially. He lost his job a few years ago and his attempts to find another job or start a business have not been successful. I recently began fitness classes and I fear that I’m falling for a former classmate. He is 35-years-old, doing well financially; he owns a house and drives a luxurious car. He has a well-toned body, is well educated and has a charming demeanour. I feel like I’m losing the attraction I have for my husband. Don’t get me wrong, I still love him, but he has lost his self-confidence and charm. This classmate of mine is seriously pursuing me and even asked me to get intimate with him, but I refused. However, I’m scared that I can’t keep resisting while at the same time don’t want to betray my husband. What should I do?
Thanks for seeking advice before things go bad. First and foremost is to let you know that it is possible to be attracted to another man or woman even if you are married, giving in to that attraction is what is wrong.
Giving in to the attraction, especially at this time when your husband is not doing well, will completely destroy him.
Ask yourself, what if the tables were turned, say you were not able to conceive or lost your well-paying job, only to discover that your husband is cheating on you, how would you feel?
Your husband needs you now more than ever before. You cannot afford to betray him. When a man is going through what your husband is going through, he loses his self-confidence to the point that it affects even his sexuality.
The reason you are getting more attracted to your newfound crush and less to your husband is because you are comparing the two.
This is an unfair comparison because one, you hardly know this guy the way you know your husband, and two your husband is at his worst, while this guy seems to be at his best financially.
Secondly, realise that it is just that, an infatuation, a fling, but not genuine love like the one you have for your husband. This good feeling may disappear with time, especially as you get to discover that not all that glitters is gold.
So, talk to someone you really trust. One of your girlfriends whom you know won’t judge you, but who will be able to help you see what you are not seeing because “love is blind”, as well as keep you accountable so that you don’t give in.
Begin to reflect more and more on your hubby’s positive attributes. The other thing you need to do is to “run baby run”, quit this fitness class and look for another one in a different place. Cut off contacts with this classmate because if you don’t take such a drastic measure, you will actually fall in love and into his arms.
The writers are marriage and relationship coaches