How do I involve my divorced parents in my wedding plans?

By , K24 Digital
On Mon, 13 May, 2024 06:00 | 2 mins read
A couple exchanging wedding vows. PHOTO/Pexels
A couple exchanging wedding vows. PHOTO/Pexels

Thank you, Simon, for reaching out for help. Many people underestimate the pain that divorce causes not just to the couple, but more so their children. Children, unfortunately, have to carry the brunt of their parents’ divorce and do get caught up in their fights. Some parents use the children to fight each other, often bringing them into their mess. When the children become adults, they almost become their parents’ caregiver or therapist.

How did your parents’ divorce affect you as a 13-year-old? How did you feel and how has that impacted who you are today? It is important for you to look into this even as you embark on your marriage journey.

You are now an adult and should engage your parents in an adult-to-adult relationship. Let them know that you are no longer going to allow them to use you against each other and that each of them still remains your parent even though they are divorced. Let each know what role you want them to play and if they are not comfortable with it, then you may be forced to move on without either of them.

Let them know their role

When it comes to the dowry negotiations, from a cultural perspective, it’s always the father who pays dowry for his son. Since your dad has been involved in your life, it’s only fair that he be involved at this very crucial point in your life. Talk to your mum about it and convince her to also be a part of your team. Also, talk to your father to allow your mother to attend. Discuss with him how best this can be done and make him realize how important it is for you to have both of them present.

Prepare for any  eventualities

 Be prepared that if none of them is willing to cooperate, then you will just have to go ahead without them even though your desire was for them to be there. Involve your uncles and aunties or other elderly folks that your parents can listen to. Seek their wisdom even as you share with them what you want to be done. Let your fiancée know about your fears and apprehensions as well. It’s good for her parents to be in the loop so that when the time comes and both your parents are not cooperative, they will know what to expect.

The writers are marriage and relationship coaches

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